It won´t be Tomorrow

 I wanted to face every one of my fears—but by then, it was already impossible. There was nothing around me except a couple of dim lights lighting my path. And it was in that exact moment that I decided to be brave and walk through the fear—one foot in front of the other, hoping everything would eventually fall into place. I was exhausted from so much wandering, my spirit drained. I told myself that nothing from the past should weigh me down anymore. Every inch I moved forward should push the pain further away. But then I saw my reflection in a puddle—and it reminded me I’m not strong. Quite the opposite. It showed me just how broken I still am, just like the day I chose to walk away.

I don’t know if I should keep going. The damage caused by all my mistakes has taken the side of my fears—they’ve become allies—and now they feed my nightmares. Even with my eyes open, they flicker with every blink. All I have to face them are my senses—my only way to deal with the wreckage in my soul, that part of me that the darkness has slowly been dimming.

Hopelessness has taken hold. There’s nothing left in me but exile, trapped in a single thought. My hands tremble just thinking about it. Honestly, if my insides could, they’d spill out just to see the mess I’ve become. I fear I won’t find relief. Faith is gone. Somewhere between what I think and what I can’t bring myself to say—I know the answer hides there. But a path paved with loneliness is not the one I want to take. I feel weak, utterly hopeless.

There’s something I need to confess—something I shouldn’t even say. I never should’ve tried so hard to gather strength just to endure more. What I needed all along was to make a decision. And that day isn’t today. As I say goodbye to everything, I know I’ll find something better than what I’m leaving behind.

Once again, my thoughts have turned against me. I can’t find comfort in anyone—not even a word from someone who’s noticed what I’m going through. Hasn’t anyone seen it? What will they feel when they hear the news? What will happen when they realize I’m no longer here?

They shouldn’t know the plan was already made. I’m feeling better than ever now—truly, far better.

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